Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Time To Put This House Out To Pasture...

Let's review, shall we (don't worry, there will not be a test on this next week.  In fact, I hope to never talk about this again.  You'll see why)?

Chapter 1: We found a house in the perfect neighborhood but the crazy tenant wouldn't let us in to see it.
Chapter 2: We finally got in to see the house, fell in love with it, and made an offer the same evening.
Chapter 3: We waited for the longest 24 hours OF MY LIFE only to hear that the seller's counter offer was higher than the list price.  I still can't get over that bit of insanity.

Which brings us to this.  Our agent talked to the seller's agent of The House yesterday for some time.  During that hour-long conversation it was revealed that:
a) The sellers are going to take the house of the market for a little while because they can't sell it in it's current condition (shocker!).
b) The roof of the house needs replacing and they are going to fix it before putting it back on the market (hooray and huzzah that they finally understand how the selling process is supposed to work!  It's not up to the BUYER to pay EXTRA to fix a bad roof - it's up to YOU, Crazy Owner!).
c) When asked by our agent how fast it could be done because we were still interested in the house, the Crazy Agent said not for another two months at the very least, because:
d) They can't get any work done on the house while the tenant is still living there because:
e) SHE IS INSANE (see next point for details).
f) The day that we saw the house and put the offer in was the first and last time she ever let anyone come inside.
g) SHE HAS SINCE BEEN SENDING DEATH THREATS to the owners and their agent, because she is refusing to leave.  Holy mother of farts!

And that's as far as we got before my eyes bugged out of my head and fell to the floor with a resounding thud, and my jaw hit my shoes from dropping so hard and fast.  Can you even imagine?!?  She honestly didn't seem that certifiable to me...but then again I can't say that she's dealing with the very best owners in the world (hello - broken roof!).  The seller's agent said that with the way things have degenerated, they think she is harboring so much anger that they worry that she may either leave the house in terrible condition or COME BACK TO HARASS the new owners.  He actually said that.  Gulp!  So they want to give her enough time to leave, be able to clean up after her mess, and make sure she's not coming back before they re-list.

So, I no longer think this is the Crazy Tenant House, or the Crazy Owner House or even the Crazy Agent House.  I think the whole thing is One Big Fat Hot Mess With Running Mascara and Smeared Lipstick and that maybe we shouldn't touch it with a ten-bazillion-foot pole.  Which truly sucks because it really was a great house (it had a big yard with a beautiful old tree in the back...in the city, no less!) and it was in a perfect location (opposite a playground, people!).  I swear I could have seen us living there for a long time - I would have loved and cared for that house and given it deep tissue massages after wooing it with a finely cooked meal if it would have just given me the chance.  Pooh.

But a huge part of me is grateful that we didn't get involved with this.  I am hoping that by the time the house is re-listed we will have found our home, or that it's new price will be way out of our budget...either one of those scenarios will make me feel a lot better about letting this one get away.  It just sucks and I wish it hadn't turned out this way.  Crazy people make me crazy.  Oh and the death threats don't help matters either.  Can't we all learn to live and JUST SELL US THIS FLIPPING HOUSE?!?!?

Remember the house with the triangle-shaped bathroom?


Or hey, how about a house with a FIREPLACE in the middle of the kitchen (it's quaint!  Or something.)?

Or best yet - a house with NO SHOWER IN THE BATHROOM (we can take baths forever, right?):

Yeah well, laugh all you want - but those are looking better and better compared to Hot Mess House - now, aren't they?

House hunting blows chunks.
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