Thursday, April 21, 2011

(Not) Leaving On A Jet Plane.

I believe I was interrupted (I was going to say "rudely interrupted", but it's not rude when your kids interrupt you to help them get pencil crayon shavings out of their underpants, is it?) by the anti-artwork antics of my delightful cherubs yesterday. So here is the continuation of my temporary relocation saga...

When we last met, I mentioned that we had to move out of our house for an undisclosed amount of time while our windows are being replaced. The best estimate the contractors can give us is "about two days but maybe up to four", which is ever so helpful when deciding on where to live. Imagine calling your friends or family and saying something to the effect of, "Hello dear friend or family member! Remember me and my two little pencil shred-loving monkeys? Yes well, would you mind if we came and stayed with you for two, possibly four, or maybe even some longer amount of days? I'll try to keep the colored pencils out of all bodily orifices it it makes you feel any better..."

Yeah, that doesn't seem to be working for me either.

Also! This is where I poke fun at my wonderful husband just a teeny tiny bit. I rarely ever do it (liar, liar, pants on fire!), but it simply can't be helped this time.  So please bear with me for a moment...

The best thing about being married to a professor is definitely the vacation time. We get tons of it. Sorry to make the rest of you hardworking folks out there feel bad, but it's true. From mid-May to August, we frolic in the sun, take impromptu trips to the beach, and drive wherever the road takes us. But it comes at a price. And that, my friends, is this: for the rest of the year we are bound and chained to this lovely town that we call home. That means no sick days, no being present for field trips, and definitely DEFINITELY no going out of town while your house is being renovated. Especially because the awesome timing of the whole zod-forsaken thing comes right smack in the middle of Finals. Gah.

I could go away with the girls. But I don't want to, because honestly that will just mean MORE work for me. This family operates best when two parents are around to prevent the eating and shoving of colored pencil shavings into bodily orifices. Because goodness knows, I am totally outnumbered on my own and can not handle the stress of caring for these two crazies by myself. Let alone trying to do it in some other person's house.

Even if we were staying with either set of grandparents, the point is that I would still be husband-less. And Yousuf would be wife-less, and Inara would miss school, Nissa would be - well, she'd probably be fine. But the rest of us would be miserable, mopey, and missing each other. We'd find a way to make it work, but sticking together has always been how we function best.

So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

If, I reasoned with my husband last week, you can't get away from your (rather inconvenient at this time) job, then fine, we'll all stick together.
- He agreed, because even though he is busy during Finals, he's not busy all the time. His schedule is actually pretty relaxed, apart from writing/supervising/grading exams. And being around for students to complain to (which he gladly does because he is one of those maddeningly annoying people who actually loves his job). I'm making it all sound very busy, but it's not - I promise.

And, we couldn't possibly impose on our friends to house us for an undetermined amount of time, correct dear husband of mine?
- He was still with me, nodding in agreement. Sounds good so far, okay mmm-hmmm, I'm being led into a trap but I can't see where this is going yet...

So the next best thing to do would be...come on, man! I thought to myself. Get there on your own, dammit! This has to be YOUR idea!
- Well, I suppose we'll just have to find a hotel for a few days, right?

Yes! Sweet victory is almost mine - I can just about taste it!

What a superfantastic idea, genius husband of mine! How ever did you think of that?
- IS a good idea, isn't it? And we can all be together and it can be sort of a mini-vacation!

Except that we'll still be in Rochester, but whatever.

That is SO wonderful, isn't it? But you know, staying in a hotel with two kids isn't all it's cracked up to be. Think of naps and bedtime. Asking Inara to stay quiet when her sister is napping is like asking Nissa to stop eating crayons. It goes against all the laws of nature. And what will we do when the kids go to bed? Hold hands in the dark until we get sleepy?
- Well I can think of other things...

-Fine. Go on, then. I knew this was going to be headed somewhere...expensive.

But think of the intangible benefits, dear sweet beloved husband of mine, who I love "holding hands" with in the dark...(suddenly his interest is piqued, all according to my master plan). We can find a hotel that has everything we need to keep the kids happy, and give us the space we need. It'll be like staying at home, but BETTER. Does such a place even exist, you ask? Would I be leading you down this rabbit hole of insanity if it didn't?
- Sigh. How much does it cost?

I'm not gonna lie, El Cheapitan. It's a bit more than a regular hotel. But they serve breakfast and dinner and there's a pool and a private bedroom for the girls and YOU'RE the one who wants us to stay together and have a mini-vacation, remember? This is like a flipping resort, man!
- Except that we'll still be in Rochester.

I know. There's that. But SOMEONE can't seem to get away from work, so this is the next best thing...if you want us to stay here. With you. Together.

Clearly my logic was flawless, because after some more superficial deliberations, during which I pretended to give equal consideration to all his other "options", El Cheapitan finally conceded TO ME. Booyah! We did  consider the expense, but as I so intelligently pointed out, it wouldn't be a lot more than if I went away with the kids and Yousuf had to spend money on a hotel for himself anyway.

Okay, so it's going to be expensive. But we can handle it (I live with the most fiscally-conscious human being on the face of the planet, and I believe he has a secret "expensive hotel" slush fund set up for just such an occasion). We haven't actually had a vacation since...ever. The last time we went away somewhere was before I got pregnant with Inara. So this is a long time coming, and it's not even really a vacation, because we're staying in the same town.

In a really nice hotel.

With a pool.

And a kitchen right inside our suite.

And a separate bedroom for the girls.


I do believe there will be some hand holding going on, after all....

But only after we watch Harry Potter on DVD (after the girls are asleep IN THEIR OWN ROOM!).

What. Isn't that what all people do on vacation?

All dressed up with somewhere to go!
And yes, my children and I walk around dressed up in costumes ALL DAY.
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