Monday, January 31, 2011

Possibly The Nerdiest Dream Ever.

It's been a long time since I've had a dream. The past few weeks have been so stressful for our family (what with dealing with the car accident and all), that I've been tossing my socks left right and center and just been blacking out at night. I've been tossing and turning and not sleeping well and waking up really, really tired. I've never had a hangover in my life, but I'm fairly certain that I now know what it feels like because life has just been one big headachey blur for me lately.

Until last night, that is.

Yousuf bought these new soft, cuddly and WARM flannel sheets for our bed (ASIDE: My man buys bedding! Oh, how I loves him so!), because his wifey is always complaining about how cold her creaky old bones get at night.

(Hmmmm...I wonder if the new sheets cost less than paying for a higher heating bill, El Cheapitan?? Never mind. I GOTS ME SOME NEW SHEETS!)

So we washed them and put them on our bed yesterday and the moment I crawled into bed last night, I knew that it was going to be a special night. Not for the reasons you're thinking (blush) - come on, now. Get your mind out of the gutter. Remember the soft and warm flannel sheets? Let's go back to those...

Sooooffffffft. Waaaaarrrrrrmmmmm.


And so I fell into a blissful, happy and most importantly NOT FREEZING COLD sleep.

And then I dreamt.

I think my brain is a little rusty from not dreaming because my dream was downright weird, even for me.

Which is saying a lot.

I dreamt that I was back at university (not college! We say "university" in Canada when referring to the places you spend oodles of money to graduate with an honors degree in something very nonspecific and non-useful. "Colleges" in Canada are far more practical places to earn diplomas and contribute to society).  Not just back at university, but standing smack-dab in the middle of my Organic Chemistry Lab.

Okay, so maybe this was turning out to be more of a nightmare than a dream.

We were doing some sort of experiment, and I was all set up at one bench and Yousuf was at the other. Also present were two other people - girls I haven't seen in years and years - one from high school and the other was a college dormitory friend. Totally random.

In my dream, some things remained true to reality, namely the fact that Yousuf was still a Math and Physics major and had no earthly idea about what to do in a Chemistry Lab. (I cannot believe I just wrote a coherent sentence with the words Math, Physics and Chemistry in it. I guess all that university money was well spent after all eh, Mom and Dad?)

And here is the really weird part of the dream: I TOTALLY KNEW WHAT TO DO.

Why didn't I know what to do when I was there one hundred and eleventy million years ago?

So Yousuf and I are setting up our apparatus (Another big science-y word. What the heck is happening to my brain? Quick! I must say something liberal artsy to calm myself...Dante, Tolstoy, EDGAR ALLEN POE!). While I was setting up my glass beakers, stands and funnels I was giving Yousuf all these instructions, which actually made some amount of sense to me. Except for the fact that I kept calling him "honey", and we were definitely not married - or sharing any Lab time - in university. In fact, as far as my parents are concerned, I didn't even know what boys were until one plopped down out of the sky and asked for my hand in marriage.

Yep, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

And then the professor walked by - except that he wasn't the professor - he was Inara and Nissa's pediatrician. And he looked at my set up, and he looked at Yousuf's set up and he said, "Ahhh, Mr. George. We are most interested in your arrangement. No doubt you will have some exciting results to share with us, given that you are our resident Chemistry Genius!" And then the two girls I haven't seen in years and years giggled and nodded their heads in agreement.


First off, who says, "we are most interested..."??? Who did he think he was, the king of Organic Chemistry? I never liked that guy anyway. We're totally switching doctors tomorrow.

And next, Yousuf didn't even know his beakers from his bunsen burner. AS IF he could even hope to be the resident Chemistry Genius. And what was I...chopped liver? I only set up his entire experiment! That's it. No more Mrs. Nice Wife, buddy. The next time we're stuck in a university chemistry lab you are ON YOUR OWN. Resident Chemistry Genius my arse!!!

And as for those two annoying girls, whose names I have completely forgotten: Stop nodding in agreement! Stop it! I don't even know why you were in my dream, let alone taunting me from behind your textbooks.

Well, after that I was pretty steamed. But, we had work to do - and I was going to show Professor Pediatrician just who was the brains in this operation. So off I went, getting ready to mix up some stuff and pour some other stuff and basically win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry. Because I KNEW I could do it.

Yousuf and his fan club just sat there, dumbfounded as I whizz-banged my way around the lab, snatching up solutions and mixing up molecules, until finally...FINALLY, I was at the last step.

The step that would make me the Nerdliest Nerd Ever. Oh yeah, baby. That's me.

I was supposed to drain this stuff into this other stuff, and it was going to change color and basically be irrefutable evidence of my superior intellect.

So, with shaking hands, I got ready to empty the dropper of stuff into the glass receptacle thinger (I've forgotten the real names of these things. What? What do I look like to you? A Chemistry Genius?!?). And right as I went to press my fingers together to expel the liquid from my dropper...

Yousuf grabbed my beaker and poured his own solution into it!


I was so so so SO steaming mad at him. Like madder than I have ever been in my entire life. I started hopping up and down and yelling, "You EEEEDIOT! You can't just pour random stuff into my beaker! Do you even know what you are DOING? This is ORGANIC CHEMISTRY! It's not a JOKE. You don't even know what the chemical composition of my solution is? Did you ever think that if you mixed your stuff with my stuff that it would be dangerous? Like even EXPLOSIVE? Did you think about that, MR. CHEMISTRY GENIUS??? What if your stuff combined with my stuff and blew up into something thousands and thousands of PINK MONKEYS!!! Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!"

Wait a minute. Pink....monkeys?

I totally didn't know what I was doing in Organic Chemistry.


For I minute there I totally had me going. Thank you, thank you, Dante, Tolstoy, and Edgar Allen Poe!

Oh, and I think I want my freezing cold bed sheets back again....because these new flannel ones are clearly messing with my head.
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