Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Say What You Mean To Say.

Inara doesn't want to talk to me about school.  When I ask her what she did today, she replies with a curt: "I can't remember right now." Which I guess roughly translates to: "Stop pestering me, crazy person that I live with."

She also has other gems like:
"I don't want to tell you right now. Because I'm snoring."
"Can I just tell you tomorrow?"
"I'll tell you ONE thing. But that's it, okay?"


So this got me to thinking. Why does my child find it so hard to tell me what she is REALLY thinking?  Is she worried that she'll hurt my feelings (I highly doubt that)?  Or are we the ones that have taught her the art of Not Saying What You Really Mean?

I think that has to be the answer.  The evidence is all around her.  For example:

When my mom calls me, she goes "I left TWO messages for you, Mahreen!  I guess you guys must be reaaaaalllly busy doing....things."
And that translates to: Stop Ignoring Me And Pick Up the Gawshdurn PHONE.

When I ask Yousuf if he wants to watch a chick-flick and he goes, "Sure."
it really means: I could give a flying fart. But I know you're going to make me watch it anyway.

And when I tell him that it was hard for me to find a roll of paper towels in the basement, I am basically screaming: PICK UP YOUR STUFF BEFORE I BREAK MY NECK. Please.

It's no wonder my daughter has learned the art of Evasive Talking. We all do it, each and every day.

Inara's getting really good at it too.  This past weekend she asked me if we were having company. I said not until next weekend.  Then she asked me if she was having a playdate later that day. I said not today.  And then she looked really confused and I asked her what was bothering her.  And she said "oh nothing" and walked away.  That's when I took a good look around and realized that she was confused because I was cleaning the bathroom.  And I don't ever do that for NO REASON WHATSOEVER.

No wonder she was so confused.

And even Nissa is in on it now.  My little baby has learned that if she toddles over to me and lays her head in my lap, she can basically get whatever she wants. So she comes over, lays her little baby head down and signs I Love You.  Which means: Get Up And Give Me A Snack Right Now, Lady.

Double Sigh.

I don't know why this is bothering me so much.  Possibly because I don't want to be the parent that is the last to know what is on my kids' minds. Is it so bad to want to know what is really going on in there? Yousuf says that the reason Inara doesn't want to talk about school is because she's still processing it. Really?  She's processing Arts and Crafts and Circle Time? 

I have a friend who says that her son, who usually talks to her about EVERYTHING, is doing the same thing as well.  And she said to give it time - that eventually it starts to come out.  But I am sooooo impatient.  I don't want her to forget what she did, and I just want to experience a little bit of what her day was like without ME. Is that so awful?

So last night I asked Yousuf to see if she was willing to talk to him. He gave me his patented eye roll, which translates to You Are So Nuts but I ignored it. I just had to know why she was avoiding me.

And when he came down from bedtime a little while later he said that Inara brought up school all by herself.  I said: "Oh." Which roughly translates to WHAT THE HECK?!?

I mean Jeezie Creezie, I have been doing mental backflips all week trying to get her to tell me ANYTHING and she's been holding out.  And she brought it up ALL BY HERSELF to her Daddy?!?


Then he said that what she told him was this:

"Daddy. I really don't want tell Mama about school because I miss her so much.  I miss her every single day. And some days it is very very hard to tell her that."

And I sat there dumbfounded, saying absolutely nothing.

Which translates to: Oh, Good God. I love this child so freaking much.
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