Thursday, March 25, 2010

...Aaaand Scene!

There are some days that I feel like I don't know WHERE my children came from.  Well I know where they came from (believe me, I was there.  I FELT it.  Twice!), but sometimes the bizarro-ness of my children reaches such epic proportions that I just have to wonder if we are actually related.

Case in point:  lately Inara has been scripting our conversations.  I get that she's three and has a very vivid imagination, and sometimes her role-playing spills over into real life, but you know what?  It would be nice to be given fair warning when we switch between alternate realities, because frankly I am beginning to find it hard to keep up.

What's worse is that she gets MAD if I can't figure out what needs to be said.  Clearly she didn't get the memo about mind-reading being backordered on this year's Mommy Model.  Better luck next year.

Our conversations lately go something like this:

Inara: Mama.  I'm thirsty, can I please have some milk?
Me: you go.
Inara:  Thanks, Saturn (one of Inara's current obsessions is Space).
Me: Wha?
Inara:  It's polite to say "you're welcome", you know.
Me: Uh...right. You're welcome Inara.
Inara: Pluto.
Me: Wha?!?  Pluto?  Like the planet?
Inara:  Sighing.  Mama, Pluto isn't a PLANET.  It's a PLUTOID.  Also known as a DWARF PLANET (like duh).
Me: Okay, so Pluto isn't a planet.  But you want to be Pluto, and I'm Saturn?  Why do I get to be Saturn?
Inara:  Because you're BIG.  But not as big as Jupiter.  Can my puppies have some milk too?
Inara:  No, Mama - not THOSE puppies.  THESE puppies (pointing to the empty chair beside her).
Me: Relieved.  Aaaah.  Of course.  Those puppies. How could I have missed them?  Do puppies like milk?
Inara:  Of course they do.  And we need to hurry or else we're going to miss our spaceship!
Me: Cool.  Where are Inara and her puppies going today?
Inara:  PLUTO.
Me:  Sorry.  Where is Pluto going?
Inara:  That's not your line.
Me: WHA?!?
Inara:  Now Saturn says:  "Don't forget your dog biscuits!"
Me:  Really?  And then what do YOU say?
Inara:  I don't say ANYTHING!!!!  UGH!
Me:  Inara, if you just explain to me what you'd like me to say, I'm sure I can help you out.
Inara:  No.  It's the puppies that say: "Great!  Let's go!  Flying in a rocket!  A great big rocket!  Flying in a rocket! Hang on TIGHT!" (and she actually had this song ALL MADE UP. With a tune.  That I was supposed to have known.)
Me:  Wow.  That's quite a song.
Inara:  Yeah.  That's what we all sing.  Can you sing it with us, Big Mama?
Me: Big Mama?!?
Inara:  Yep.  That's you.
Me:  But I thought I was Saturn.
Inara:  You are SO silly, Big Mama!  Big Baby, isn't she silly?  She is NUTS.
Nissa: Goo goo gack.
Inara:  Giggling - Issie!  You crack me UP.  Like an egg.  On my head!!
Me:  All right.  So I'm Big Mama, and Issie is Big Baby, and hey I GET THIS!  That would make Daddy...Big Daddy, right?
Inara: Dubious - I WAIT!  Don't forget about PLUTO! 
Me:  Oh, right.  We can't forget about Pluto.  Well, Pluto, what's my line?
Inara:  I'm NOT Pluto!!!  I'M JUST INARA!!!

Sigh.  Honestly, I think I could keep up with a foreign language film better than I can with my kids. Did any part of that conversation even MAKE SENSE?  I think not. 

How do you say WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED HERE in Plutoid?  Oh wait, lemme ask Inara.

Good gosh.  I just asked her what the people on Pluto say, and she said: "EXTERMINATE!"

Yeah, so she totally gets her bizarro-ness from me.

And Dr. Who ROCKS.

I have to go play Dress Up Like Daleks now.   I hope I get my lines right!


Inara being a Dalek.  I have no idea where she got this from.
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