Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Letting The Wind Carry Me Away.

My laptop died last night, and as a result, this morning I was left without a way to connect to the world, or more importantly, to write. I know I'm going to sound so melodramatic - but I didn't quite fathom just how internet-dependent I was until I was without. I couldn't even publish this post until Yousuf came home and let me steal his laptop!

In the meantime, I think that the little bit of forced computer-detox that I had last night and this morning was good for my soul. It made me think about how I'm so used to doing two (or three) things at once, and how even though it seems as though I'm being super-productive, I'm not really engaging in any one thing. It's been nice not to be so distracted.

I've also been thinking about my kids, and wondering if they noticed a difference today. I don't usually make a habit of ignoring them when I'm blogging - I try to save the writing for when Nissa is napping and Inara is at school. But I won't deny the fact that I'm usually editing pictures or responding to emails while sitting down at the table with the girls for breakfast and lunch. They like to put on music and sing along to tunes while they eat, which gives me the time I need to finish up those tasks.

Today was different, of course. And the girls were happy to have my full attention, but it left me feeling smug (for giving them my undivided attention) and guilty (for not always giving them my undivided attention). I don't know what the right solution is here. I'm sure there are so many of you that have to figure out this delicate balance as well, and there is some measure of comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one who struggles with it.

The greatest confusion I have is not when my personal life is at odds with my not-yet-professional life, but when the two mesh seamlessly. I have great trouble deciding how much of my personal life to share with you, and how much of it you actually want (or need) to know about. I think that many personal bloggers must have this discussion with themselves at one point or another. I'm still figuring it all out.

Take, for example, my great foray into the world of vlogging. At my other gig, there is a section called Video Confessions.  It's a great way for anyone to contribute to our growing community in a completely safe, non-judgmental manner. I've been really excited about the prospect of vlogging, even if it will require me changing out of my sweatpants and actually putting on some makeup.

But of course, I know nothing about vlogging, or about filming things in general, so I decided to take my newly-borrowed HD video recorder out for a test drive first. And who better to film than my family? I took the little video camera out with us a few weeks ago when we met up with our friends to go sledding. I was paying a great deal of attention to the angles, the lighting, and the overall presentation - just as I do with every blog post and accompanying set of pictures.

After I had some fun editing the piece and adding music to it, I realized that it turned out pretty good - good enough for a blog post, even. But why would I write a post about a video of us sledding? I was sure it would serve no purpose other than showcasing my own self-indulgence. So I shelved it until today, when my laptop died and I got to thinking about how sometimes, the inspiration for a post comes when you least expect when you don't have the ability to post at all.

I think ultimately, the point of sharing this video with you is to remind myself that sometimes (like today) it's absolutely fine to just let go, have some fun, and let the wind carry me away.

And as for that vlog?

I still haven't gotten around to doing it, because I've been too busy doing things like this...

(Music by Sloan, Money City Maniacs from the Navy Blues Album, 1998 (such a fine vintage).

...and it's been absolutely marvelous.
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