Updates.

There have been lots of things going on here in VeniVidiLand, and I thought I would catch everyone up because I've been getting a lot of questions about them.

Update 1: Shireen and Baby Isra

A little while back I wrote a post entitled For Isra.  Isra was the beloved daughter of my high school friend, Shireen. Isra tragically passed away earlier this month, and the news saddened me so much to hear. She was such a tiny, sweet baby and I still can't quite imagine what it must be like for Shireen to endure that kind of loss. It breaks my heart. At the end of writing that post, I was flooded with comments and emails from so many wonderful, caring people and I wanted to update everyone who asked about Shireen, kept her family close to their hearts, and asked if there was anything they could do.

Shireen saw the post I wrote and took the time out of her grief and mourning to comment. She seems so gracious and composed, in spite of everything she has been through...here is what she wrote:

You are a beautiful friend Mahreen and I certainly feel your love and support. How can I even begin to express how I felt after reading this? Please know that I was touched deeply by your words and you are forever now in my thoughts and prayers. Yes, I am aching....but knowing my friends are there for me is helping me get through each hour...each minute of the day. Friend, please know that your words....even though coming from so far.....are helping me.


Shireen (Isra's mom)

I was so moved to hear those words from Shireen. She truly is such an amazing spirit. In the weeks following Isra's passing, she celebrated  her son's second birthday and was surrounded by her family and friends for Eid. I don't know how difficult each of those events, or even each passing day has been for her, I just know that she has always corresponded with me wish such love and grace and serenity...I am in awe of her, even as my heart aches for everything she has endured.

Shireen and her husband Ashfaq have been so grateful for all the kind words of support from everyone. In response to being asked how people could honor Isra's memory, they have asked that donations be made in her name to the Hospital For Sick Children in Toronto. The hospital is one of the most well-respected in the world, and was the only home Isra ever knew. The staff, nurses and doctors at Sick Kids did everything they could to make Isra's time here comfortable and they were so supportive of Shireen and her family. If you have a moment, please take the time to check Isra's page at Sick Kids and make even a tiny donation  in her name. I know it will mean so much to Shireen, and thank you on her, and Isra's behalf. 

Update 2: Inara's Rainbow Pre-order

I have a wonderful update to share with you about Inara's Rainbow, the baby wrap that will be named after my sweet girlie and will be made by Girasol through the web store Piece of Cloth. Giselle (the owner/mad genius behind POC) sent me a message the other day and in it she said that Inara's Rainbow will be available for pre-order VERY soon. Specifically, it will be available ONLY through the Piece of Cloth website on the Monday following Thanksgiving (Cyber Monday) - that's Monday, November 29th!!  That's SOON!!!

So mark your calendars, get your clicky fingers and credit cards ready, and let's do this thang! It's going to be a beautiful wrap and I can't wait for all of you to see Inara's Rainbow and to be able to snuggle your babies in it. Thanks again (times a million bajillion) to Giselle at Piece Of Cloth. You have made my life complete!

I also have the inside scoop on a couple of Inara's Rainbow-related items that might be in development soon. I'm so lucky to know such talented and amazing people, and I can't wait to share more about these very special products as soon as more information becomes available. Stay tuned for details...

And that's it! Have a great day, friends - and as always, thank you SO much for sharing this amazing journey with me. I couldn't ask for a better readership! I love you guys. For serious.

Inara's Rainbow.

A while back, I posted about why keeping my babies close to me, by wearing them in baby carriers (babywearing for those of you unfamiliar with the term) means so much to our family. That post was probably the hardest one I have ever had to write, because in it I talked about Inara's difficult infancy, some of her health issues, and the journey we went through to get to where we are today. Very emotional stuffs, indeed.

So that post coincided with the start of International Babywearing Week and as many other babywearers around the world were doing at the time, I changed the profile picture on my personal Facebook page to a babywearing one. Most people changed their pictures to ones of them wearing their little ones, but as I was scrolling through my (countless) babywearing photos, I came across one of Inara wearing one of her dolls in a sling that was made for her by one of my very dearest friends in the whole entire universe (For anonymity's sake, let's just call her "Jen". Which is totally NOT anonymous, but whatever. Why make this even more confusing than it already is?)

Immediately after posting that picture of Inara, my Facebook page lit up with comments. Which I knew would happen, because who wants to see a boring picture of me wearing my babies (been there, done that) when you can have the cutest little mug staring back at you instead?  And that too, a cute little mug wearing her cute little dolly? It was just too cruel to deny the world of that experience (such a modest blogger am I).

One person in particular (for anonymity's sake, let's call her "Tiph". Which again, is totally her real name), went completely bazonkers and demanded to know where I got that little doll sling for Inara and if it was possible for her to get one - not for her kids - but for herself. Errrrmmmm...huh? My friends had seen that picture before, but nobody had ever wanted the sling for themselves. That was new.

As a lark, I told the lovely "Tiph" that it wasn't an actual baby sling, and that if she wanted it for herself she would need to find a way to get it made by - and here was the insane part - emailing a certain baby carrier vendor (Giselle. That's really her name. Anonymity is so overrated.).

ASIDE AND SHAMELESS PLUG: Giselle Baturay is a babywearing legend. She is the hardworking businesswoman behind two well-loved family-owned stores called Granola Babies and Piece Of Cloth and she is also the smart yet sensitive author behind the blog Nurture Baby Naturally. To say that I am in awe of everything she has done for the babywearing community is an understatement. I had the pleasure of working with Giselle when we both served on the Board of Directors of Babywearing International, Inc. and I believe I may have professed my adoration for her on more than one occasion. It may have even been the reason that she decided to step down - I'm sure she didn't sign up to be stalked by a babywearing lunatic. I'm actually surprised that she still talks to me. GISELLE OMG I LOVE YOU WILL YOU BE MY BFF?!?!?!

Ahem.

Okay, now here's where the story gets really exciting. As if it wasn't already.

So "Tiph" emailed Giselle and Giselle saw my picture of Inara wearing the sling that "Jen" made for her. Got it? Good. And then Giselle said this, and I quote:

"Oh my dear lord it's GORGEOUS!!! Thanks Tiph for pointing it out. I think a wrap that color would be so beautiful!! Though....could it be the wearer that brings out the beauty?"

Whereupon Tiph countered with:
"I think she has a little something to do with it Giselle. ;) Maybe we could name it Inara's Rainbow??"

Giselle replied:
"Ooooooh, that would be lovely!!

At this point "Jen" stepped in and offered to send Giselle a piece of the original fabric, and Giselle said:
"Oooh Jen, I'd love a piece of it! I just need a piece of it to make sure we get the color numbers right. Inara's Rainbow is a go!

Thud. That was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.
Pop. That was the sound of my eyeballs popping out of my head.
Slam. That was the sound of me keeling over in shock and disbelief.

Did you read what just happened there, people? Let's recap:

I posted a picture of my daughter and now she is going to have a baby wrap named after her.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah. That.

Okay, so I don't even know how to start explaining this to people who aren't "like us". "Us" being People Who Wrap Up Their Children In Fabric. If you'll pardon my French,  this is like every babywearer's wet dream come true (Mom! Don't read that last part!). And honestly, I'm not even slightly kidding at all.

All of a sudden my brain started thinking:
- Inara is going to have a wrap named after her. Holy sheeps.
- I'm going to have to buy this to wrap my baby in, or to save for Inara as a keepsake.
- I need money. How much do kidneys go for these days?
- Wait. I don't have a teeny baby to wrap right now.
- But that can be solved.
- I should shower first.
- INARA IS GOING TO HAVE A WRAP NAMED AFTER HER. GISELLE I LOVE YOU WILL YOU MARRY ME?!?!?!?!

So here's the deal. This is really happening. Giselle is currently working with Girasol, a Berlin-based company that works with Mayan women from Guatemala, who hand-weave baby wraps that are used all over the world. Girasol also pays fair trade wages to the artisans and uses only untreated cotton in their baby wraps (Double fantastic awesome. Gives me the warm fuzzies all over just thinking about this!).

Right now, Giselle is confirming the colors of Inara's Rainbow with Girasol to most accurately reflect the original swatch of fabric. I have it on good authority that this wrap is going to be FANFRICKINGTASTIC (A teaser for all you wrap geeks out there - the weft color is going to be red. Gorgeous!). Giselle is hoping to get a digital swatch of the wrap very soon, and possibly be able to take pre-orders by the end of this month. If all goes according to schedule, she hopes to have Inara's Rainbow here sometime in early February. Perfectly cheery for those wintertime snuggles!

Inara's Rainbow will be an exclusive wrap, sold only through Giselle's store, Piece Of Cloth.  You will be able to find more information about it, as it becomes available, through the Piece Of Cloth/Nurture Baby Naturally Facebook page - so "Like" them now so that you don't miss any updates! I will also be updating everyone here on my blog whenever possible.

I still can't quite believe that this is happening. For my daughter - the baby that I wore close to my heart through so many ups and downs - to have a wrap named after her is thrilling beyond anything I could have ever possibly imagined. That Inara's Rainbow will carry, soothe, and comfort countless other babies around the world is nothing short of a dream come true. This wrap will mean so much more to me than a simple piece of cloth. It is going to be our legacy. And I am so so honored to be a part of it.

So here it is. The face that launched a thousand (Or more? One can always dream!) baby wraps. I am so proud and privileged to present to you...Inara's Rainbow. I hope that her sunny stripes and sweet softness bring you happiness and a lifetime of warm memories. Thank you to everyone who made this possible!

For Isra.

You are the poem I dreamed of writing, the masterpiece I longed to paint.
You are the shining star I reached for in my ever-hopeful quest for life fulfilled.
You are my child.
Now with all things I am blessed.
(Unknown)

What do you say, to a mother who has just lost her child? What words will soothe? What sentiment is right?

I am at a loss.
I read the news on Saturday, and felt as though I was drowning. She was so small. She had only just arrived. And my friend, her mother. How could she possibly bear this?

I hadn't been in touch with her for many years. I read about her beautiful new baby, the joy, the hope, the pain, the shock, the whole story unfolded before me in updates and photos. I wasn't there. And now, to wish that I could be there seems...odd. But I do wish it, all the same.

I couldn't be there for her funeral. But my parents went. My mother said that my friend was surrounded by loved ones. She was not alone. She was so strong. She held my mother's hand and asked for me - a "friend" who hasn't seen her in years - to remember her in my prayers. I wish I had her grace and serenity.
I wish I could do more for her, but I have nothing to offer other than my words.

I am hurting for her, and with her. People will say that her baby is waiting for her at the Gates of Paradise. People will say that God will not grant her a burden more than she can bear. That we belong to Him, and to Him we must return.

I want to say that her baby's time here was too short and that my heart is breaking for all of them.

I cannot stop thinking of her today, my friend and her baby girl. Every time I hear my girls' laughter, or pick up my baby, or wipe away a tiny tear, I think about them. I think about the time they had together, and how there was so much more of their story yet to be told.

I think about sending them my love and support. I think about her grief. I think about how I would go on.

I think about that time when we were girls, walking down the hallway of our high school together, and how could we know back then that this is the destiny we were walking towards?

I want her to know that I am still there, walking beside her. That she is not alone. Even if we graduated and moved on, to jobs and marriages and different countries, I am still there, walking alongside her, holding her hurt in my heart, shouldering her burden with her, bearing her pain and supporting her weary soul. I want her to know that I will not forget her and her baby, her husband and her precious boy.

I bear witness to your suffering, my friend. Know that you are not alone.

The End
Rabindranath Tagore

It is time for me to go, mother; I am going.

When in the paling darkness of the lonely dawn you stretch out your arms for your baby in the bed, I shall say, "Baby is not there!"--mother, I am going.

I shall become a delicate draught of air and caress you; and I shall be ripples in the water when you bathe, and kiss you and kiss you again.

In the gusty night when the rain patters on the leaves you will hear my whisper in your bed, and my laughter will flash with the lightning through the open window into your room.

If you lie awake, thinking of your baby till late into the night, I shall sing to you from the stars, "Sleep mother, sleep."

On the straying moonbeams I shall steal over your bed, and lie upon your bosom while you sleep.

I shall become a dream, and through the little opening of your eyelids I shall slip into the depths of your sleep; and when you wake up and look round startled, like a twinkling firefly I shall flit out into the darkness.

When, on the great festival, the neighbours' children come and play about the house, I shall melt into the music of the flute and throb in your heart all day.

Dear auntie will come and will ask, "Where is our baby, sister? Mother, you will tell her softly, "He is in the pupils of my eyes, he is in my body and in my soul."

Nothing's Sweeter Than Suzi...

This past weekend we took a road trip from Western New York to Central Pennsylvania to surprise my dear friend, Suzi, at her going away party.  It was a bittersweet weekend and as today is Suzi's moving-away day, I feel the need to gush about her just a wee bit.

I first met Suzi when our babies were just months old.  We were both new transplants to Pennsylvania, our husbands fresh into their Ph.D.'s.  I remember our first meeting - I remember feeling like her sweet midwestern drawl sounded familiar somehow, and I remember thinking that we were meant to be friends because she said the word "pop" instead of "soda" just like I do.  I also remember telling her that if she wanted to be a part of our playgroup she had to bake something (I'm such a meanie!  But truth be told, we were talking about our love of baked goods and I knew that this chick could BRING IT.  Boy, did she ever!  Suzi's dessert recipes are now legendary amongst our playgroup friends).

There is something so special and everlasting about forging a friendship in a new town with a new mom who is from some far away place just like you. Both of us had our babies in State College, away from our families.  Both of us had newborns that had (and still have) intense personalities with their own sprinkling of medical issues thrown in just for good measure.  Both of us were utterly bewildered whenever our sweet Pennsylvanian friends said "a quarter of" instead of "a quarter to" whenever they spoke about the time.  Both of us came to State College, not necessarily of our own choosing, but because we were proud Ph.D. wives.  In the end, I think we both ended up loving Penn State and the family of friends we found there more than we could have ever imagined.

Through the years it took for our husbands to pursue their own academic successes, we laughed, cried and drove ourselves towards happy ice cream pie-induced oblivion together. Suzi was there to invite us over for Thanskgiving dinner when we had nowhere to go, she was there to help me craft hairbands that matched Inara's first Halloween costume, to sew a sentimental flower onto a gifted baby carrier, to always listen as I blathered on endlessly (and usually tearfully) about stressful advisors, departments, deadlines, dissertations, job hunts, interviews, moving, and finally graduating. She did all this and so much more - without question, with such grace, and with way fewer swear words than me.

Now that Suzi's husband (Dr. Jim is in the HOUSE!) has completed his Ph.D. program, I find myself in a strange position.  On the one hand I want to be the same friend that Suzi has been to me all these years.  I want to be excited for her, to tell her that we are so happy for everything her family has accomplished together, that moving far away (all the way to Missouri!) means only the start of bigger and better things.  But I also don't want her to go.  When we moved from Pennsylvania a year and a half ago, somewhere deep inside I just always always expected it to stay exactly the same way as when I left (because let's face it, I'm immature and I think that the world revolves around me).  And to be honest, I simply can't imagine a State College without you in it, Suzi, dear.  It's just not fair.

Being a grown up really stinks sometimes.  I wish I could take all the wonderful friends that we've made since moving to the U.S. and stick them in a box to carry around with me wherever life takes us. Can someone please get on that?  Because I'd really really appreciate it.

Suzi, you are such a bright, shining star.  And we miss you already.

Memories:

 

 The Giraffes are from a shoot I did for Suzi's business, Starbright Baby - we had so much fun that day, and she named the Argyle one after Inara.